The Turk and I have an extremely volatile relationship. We are hot and cold. Yes and no. Up and down (no it’s not a Katy Perry song). For those of you who know The Turk personally already know that he is an extremely difficult man to live with. He is completely OCD. Everything must be spotless. Everything has its place. I live with a more relaxed view of things. Shit happens so clean it up whenever. He also has a lot of vices. Things that he cannot seem to control and, despite me giving him ultimatum after ultimatum he will not, or cannot, change his ways.
We have been living together for 15 years now (married for 14). It has not been easy. And it’s not that I don’t love him, because I do (well most of the time anyway). We are just two extremely different people who are, for whatever reason, like oil and water to each other.
I’ve received a few messages from you guys wanting a clarification. I have dropped hints on a few occasions (my terrace / his terrace) and the truth of the matter is this – The Turk and I no longer live together. Daughter and I have our own apartment upstairs and he continues to live downstairs and so far this new arrangement is working out just fine.
We are not getting a divorce, we just happen to live separately. I did ask him if he wanted a divorce and, of course, he said no, “I will never divorce you. Seni çok seviyorum tatlım.” Ugh! I mean its 2017, Brad Pitt is finally free of that skinny brunette … and he’s on my List so if the stars would just align then we could finally be together! As it should be!
The Turk and I still spend time together, one might even say too much time together, and we still make decisions as a couple but our evenings are spent separately (unless we are at a family event of course). We breakfast together every day. The Turk still makes us his world famous pizza on a Sunday night and I still make him chicken cacciatore or his favourite meal, Tepsi Kebab. We still sit each evening on his terrace and have a glass of wine together (clearly I am an Enabler) and talk about our day and go over our plans for the next day.
There is no more fighting (well less fighting) and little things, like The Turks constant need to tidy teenage Daughter’s bedroom, are a non-issue. And anyone with a teenager will tell you – do not go into their bedroom. You will regret it. Or maybe get sucked into a vortex of dirty clothes and rubbish.
Speaking of tidying up my relaxed view on cleaning still sends The Turk crazy and he has been sneaking up to ours to clean when we are out. I left the camera on the other day and got to enjoy a comedic film of The Turk moving a bowl on the dining table three times before being entirely satisfied with its final resting place. In the past watching him fuss would have sent me over the edge but now? Now I merely smile.
I’ve got to say this though … our relationship has never been better. Everything about this is better. He is happier. I am happier. Daughter is very happy. The sex is better. The tension is gone. The stress is non-existent. Had I had known that this was the way to have a perfect marriage I would have gotten on board years ago and don’t worry I am sure that every other post will be about me whining about The Turk driving me crazy still … ’cause I’m sure that will never change.
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janeyinmersin 
What a brilliant way to remove the stress and…seems like you are getting a male cleaner too!
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If only I could get him to do it naked …
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I’m sorry and yet I’m not, as sometimes things just work out better this way. I had an inkling, but that’s not the sort of thing you ask, right?
Hubby drives me nuts sometimes (and I him, if he’s not laughing at me), but we’re like an old pair of slippers, faded, worn down on one side, but comfy in our tattiness, and know you can’t have one without the other. Could be an age thing I guess, ie. they don’t fit anyone else.
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I can’t remember which actor it is that he and his wife have separate apartments across central park. This would work for a lot of people if they had the money to buy 2 apartments of course. It’s good that you have found a way to make this work for you. I enjoy these little insights into your life in Turkey.
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I think it sounds divine. Every relationship has to find that perfect balance that works for them. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it’s not one size fits all.! Good luck Janey.!!
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I wonder if I can build another level on the van! Hmmmmm lovely thought
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horses for courses, incl. over the jumps. Less neighing (or should that be naying?) has got to be a restful thing.
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I used to wonder why “older people” had separate bedrooms, until I became an older people. Being in separate areas does make a world of difference and in many ways it can strengthen a relationship. But if hubby ever tried to bring in another woman, there would be blood. 🙂
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Ive got no problem in that regard … noone would be prepared to take on The Turk. I was talking today with friends about how his ex lives up the street and she always says good morning to him. I say that she won the lottery by not marrying him whereas I got the booby prize!@!
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People used to ask me, “How do you put up with him?”
They didn’t know what to think when I chuckled at them and said, “We’re together because no one else wants us.” Not true, but it did elicit a laugh and we went onto another topic. 🙂
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Many people live a parallel life on completely different levels. Not everyone can put it in writing the way you do though. Not everyone would be as bold as you to say it out loud. As long as you are happy and standing in your own shoes and not trying to get by in someone elses, I know you are OK. Those who know and love you will always understand and support you, all three of you for that matter.
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Always have been an open book Sasha (as you well know). And this means that when you come over (if I can ever convince you to) then there’s more than enough room!
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This post is a crackle. Thanks for the giggles.
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My husband (who is Syrian and has some similar tendencies as the Turk) and I have a similar arrangement, and it’s perfect!
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Keeping it R E A L as usual.
Whatever works for you. After 40 years….. Think I might try it myself.
Apparently 3.6 million Americans do exactly the same thing. Married but live apart.
Wishing you all happy ever after. More peace, Joy, etc. etc.
Kind regards
Jan
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