You Need To Calm Down

Daughter has made me vow to not use her for any of my future blog posts as it is an invasion of her privacy. Pfft! 

So here’s a story about a person that lives in my home which for the sake of this post is called “She Who Shall Not Be Named”. 

She Who Shall Not Be Named is now seventeen years old and living her best teenage life. You already know she is a well-established şımarık and brings along with her all the drama that a şımarık can bring. The never-ending phone calls and text messages that go ALL NIGHT LONG. Ding, ding, ding! The gossip. The chaos. *squeals*

Since we returned from Oz, she has been out socialising every single day – and night. Camping. Beach. Music Festivals. Nightclubbing. Vomiting in gutters. All the usual teenage stuff. It’s exhausting trying to keep track of her. Anyway, school goes back on Monday (thank feck), so I’ve said it’s time to rein back her activities, get home at a reasonable hour and prepare for the new school year. 

Sooooo last night SWSNBN (I had to shorten it otherwise I’d be typing all fecking night) came home early at 8.30. Yah!! With her boyfriend! Sure, okay. That’s fine. Nothing wrong with the boyfriend visiting. My long-term boyfriend used to spend most of his nights on my parent’s sofa. He was never allowed to stay the night, but we got to hang out, watch videos on the old VHS player (how old am I anyway?) and have a pash when we thought my parents weren’t looking. Everyone was pretty happy with that arrangement.  

Well, it all went to shit as my BIL, and SWSNBN’s umca Vito was dead-set having a melt-down when he spotted SWSNBN rock up at ours on the back of boyfriend’s motorbike and subsequently TOOK THE BOYFRIEND UPSTAIRS!!! He immediately reported it to the BossMan (the oldest BIL) who scurried over to our apartment. 

Knock, knock.

“There is a guy in your apartment.”


“The Turk is not here.”

“Well he doesn’t live here so nope he’s not here.”

“Would you like me to stay?”

“Hell to the no!”

Have we gone through a time warp? Is it 1948 here in Mersin? Come on, folks! I’m sitting on the fecking sofa across from them while they watch Riverdale. Nothing hard-core happening here!

SWSNBN was mortified. The BF didn’t seem too fussed. I’m sure he’s seen this kind of behaviour before. 

As Taylor Swift would say “You Need to Calm Down.”


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2 thoughts on “You Need To Calm Down

  1. I have two girls, both now over twenty, and my Turkish “him indoors” has been open and accepting of their relationships, willing to go with my laid-back approach and allow them some freedom.
    I know your experience is not unusual, but it struck me how this comic anecdote underscores the misogynistic, power based cultural view of women that so often comes out in violence to keep us all “in our places”.


  2. The western world is far more tolerant. But it wasn’t always that way. A woman couldn’t own a business in Florida in 1950. One of my friends from my youth had a baby (the product of date rape) and her parents adopted it so that no one would know of their “shame.” Back then, a man and woman couldn’t rent a place together unless they could show they were married (thus the comedy “three’s company” in the US). Twenty years later, no one cared if you were married, or who the fathers of your children were,

    I just turned 69, so I’ve had a front-row seat to the metamorphosis. I was a hippie in the late 60’s and early 70’s. I was soured on the hippie movement because if you didn’t “put out” you were considered a prude. i refused to sleep with anyone who wanted me and finally realized that I hadn’t been liberated — others were trying to shame for saying no so that they could have free sex.

    In Turkey, I have no doubt there are old-world hold overs who want to ensure a woman is “pure” on her wedding night. But I also know of fathers who understand one fact of life: Nature made men stronger to ensure the continuation of the species. Not that I like that fact…it means Nature is a b@$tard, just that there are men who protect the women in their families out of love, knowing that most of the male species have the self-discipline of a hungry croc. 🙂

    I wish there were a middle ground between overprotective fathers who don’t want to see their daughters hurt, and men who smother a woman to ensure they can pass their daughters off to the man he chooses for her, without their daughters consent. It seems like the pendulum swings one way and then the other.


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