Anyone who currently lives or has ever lived in Türkiye will no doubt get a case of the feels while I tell this tale full of torment and of anguish, of anger and jealousy. In fact this story has something for everyone but before we start – a warning. There is a completely unacceptable level of swearing to be had. So continue on at your own peril.
This is the story of darkness so black that it must come from the soul of the devil himself. This is my story of no electricity – yet again!
Over the past week we have seem to have pulled the short straw here in the Village as we have lost power every single night. It is usually cut around 4pm (just as night begins to creeps in) and it reconnects anywhere between 7pm and gelecek sabah (the next morning).
Last night I was on my terrace when I saw the dark clouds brewing over the deniz (sea). Being totally psychic I knew it was going to happen and I ran inside to grab the lanterns before the storm hit – which it did – and the electric failed – which it did as well!
The Turk: (sigh)
Daughter: (distant wail of angst from her bedroom)
Me: (fumbling through the darkness) Where the feck are the lanterns? Who the feck moved the lanterns?
The Turk: I put them upstairs.
Me: Why the feck would you do that when we have fecking lost fecking electricity every fecking day! What the feck is fecking wrong with you? FECK!
The Turk goes off to find the lanterns and Daughter scuttles down the hall in the darkness protesting about the loss of her precious, precious Wi-Fi.
Daughter: How do you expect me to live like this? It’s not the Middle Ages!
Me: (dripping with sarcasm) Yes it is, in fact I was invited to the signing of the Magna Carta last week.
The Turk returns with the lanterns that have not been charged. He turns them on and off and on and off and on and off … well, you get the drift.
The Turk: They don’t work.
Me: You think?
The Turk: (turns them on and off again) Yes. They don’t work.
The Turk leaves to go and buy candles while Daughter and I sat in the darkness.
Daughter: So who is Magnus Carter?
Me: (threw pillow at Daughter. It missed).
The Turk returns with candles and the house takes on the romantic tinge of flicking light.
Daughter: Welcome to hell.
The Turk: You will survive this.
Daughter: Even in hell they have Wi-Fi you know!
Me: Yes but it will be forever slow.
Some normalcy returns as I go about preparing köfte which is really the only thing I can make without electric and The Turk gets busy opening a bottle of red while we both commiserate with Daughter as she continues to make unnecessary but still witty remarks about the loss of her basic human rights. It sucks to be her for sure!
And then we heard it.
A sound so foreign that The Turk and I tentatively stepped out onto the terrace. The blackness enveloping us was overwhelming and we clung to each other in fear (not really) as we investigated the source of the sound.
And there it was.
A house. A house filled with light. A bright beaming light calling out to us in the darkness. I stood there watching in awe as others too came out of their houses drawn towards the light like a moth – or a dead person. You know what I’m going to say don’t you? Can you feel my jealous rage? Yes dear readers. It is true. My neighbour has a generator! At that moment my head exploded. I mean literally my brain went into an overload of emotions – and it blew it’s final gasket.
Me: Do they have a generator?
The Turk: (nodding too overwhelmed with emotion – or too fearful of my reaction – to speak)
Me: Why the feck don’t we have a fecking generator?
Daughter: I bet they have Wi-Fi!
Me: We need a fecking generator!
Daughter: Why is life so unfair?
Me: Buy me a fecking generator!
The Turk: *sigh*
Me: (with the maturity level of a 13 year old) AAARRRGHGHHHH!!!!
Generator envy is a real thing people and I have it bad. Not being able to cope with the amount of jealousy raging through my veins I had to have a lie down while The Turk finished preparing dinner and Daughter continued to complain to The Turk about her awful, abused life.
Incidentally the electricity came back about 15 minutes later but the damage was done.
BUY ME A FECKING GENERATOR!!!!!!!
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