What would you do?

The rather morbid question was put to me yesterday which made me stop for a moment and think … just a little bit.  I love it in Mersin.  I really do.  I’ve got some great friends and am surrounded by some great family (*cough, cough*) but … BUT …

“what would I do if (if???) The Turk passed away?”

Interesting.  What would I do?

cenaze-islemleri

I am not talking about legalities and all the rest of it.  Having worked in the legal field for 25+ years I’ve got a pretty good grasp of the law both in Australia and in Türkiye regarding the death of a spouse.  Yes we both have Wills.  Yes, both here and in Australia.  Do you have one?  If not you should.  Also all of our properties here in Türkiye are in both names as are our bank accounts.  Are yours?  If not, they should be.  It is not unusual for a Will to be challenged by family members so better to be safe than sorry.  Of course it won’t happen to you … but just in case.

Back in Oz I was extremely independent.  I looked after myself and didn’t need to rely on others for assistance but here everything is difficult.  How would I cope with the day to day crap that goes on here?  I may be a Türk citizen but Türkiye is not my original homeland and my Türk language skills are way below par.  But even my lost independence and language issue is not my real concern.  My real concern – my only concern – is Daughter and when it comes down to it, Daughter is happy here.

Would I uproot Daughter again unnecessarily?  Probably not.

Would I move to perhaps a more yabancı friendly area?  Tempting, but no.

Would I date?  Feck no (unless Brad Pitt tossed that skinny, lippy brunette).

Would I move back to Australia after Daughter has grown up (married Calum Hood) and moved on with her own life?  In a heartbeat!

So I guess that’s my answer.  For now.  But here’s hoping that I don’t really need to think about this for a while at least.

When discussed with The Turk last night his reply was akin to the great Mr Bennett (you know how I love to quote Pride and Prejudice):

My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves, that I might outlive you.”

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16 thoughts on “What would you do?

  1. Interesting post! I guess not having kids, or much of anything else, my worries are a little different. If he goes first, where do I go? If I go first, what will he do? If we stay in Turkey, what will happen to my remains? If we ever moved back to the States and he passes, what do I do with his remains? Not easy to discuss these “morbid” thoughts with any Turk.

    And I’m going to date! Everybody! Just like the good old days . . .

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  2. We often talk about it, and have most things sorted. Cremations for both (him in joggers, bodywarmer, benny hat, me in Dad’s cardy with a pocket full of dog biscuits), but the main thing if Hubs went first would be that I would sell everything and go down to Bro in NZ until I could sort myself out. If I go first, Hubs is off on the life of a water gypsy.

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    • I’d be interested to know how you sorted out cremation as it’s what both my husband and I would want (we are both Brits) but we’ve been told it doesn’t happen out here….unless it’s a geographical thing? (We’re in the Fethiye area of Mugla.) I’m resigned to ending up in the village graveyard, but if *is* possible……

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      • Cremation just ain’t gonna happen unless you can arrange it in the form of mangal!

        There was a crematorium in Istanbul but I believe it has closed down. That’s my biggest fear to be buried (along with tomatoes and burned beans and everything else). If I must be buried they had better arrange for a little bell to be tied to some string and for someone to sit at my graveside for a week or so … just in the case!

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  3. Interesting question. What would you do?
    My wife and I asked that question of each other, maybe twice – before she died 6 years ago. We both said we would never re-marry. Be careful of what you say “I’ll never do”.

    I am married now for two years. There is definitely a new normal for us both. You never know where life is going, but love the Life you’re in.

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  4. A good question, but it all depends on the moment, if you are still raising a child then you have to consider her future, what is best for her, stay in Turkey or move back to Australia. In such a case the likes or dislike of the child does not weigh much since she is not old enough to understand the consequences. If the child is now an adult then you are free to do as you wish. You might find yourself isolated in Turkey and your chances for an interesting life diminished. But then again going back to Australia is not easy either, re establishing yourself, people will see you as someone who returns an outsider. They will not be necessarily interested in what you did in Turkey and may in fact have deep seated prejudices. So it is a difficult situation but not an impossible one.

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  5. Takes me back to my similar situation married to The Cypriot! (bless him and the bouzouki) There may have been a war (we can never forget 1974 in Cyp) but the Eastern Mediterranean mentality is a shared one! Wills and joint names are a must, so many ladies I know weren’t sensible about it and lost out big time. Great post-Janey!

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    • The only thing that could possibly – possibly – entice me to marry again if The Turk kicks the bucket before me would be Brad Pitt, but even that may be more work than I really want. Too much maintenance – him not me lmao!!!

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  6. Liam and I had Turkish wills too (as well as apostilled UK wills) and accounts in joint names but I can’t deny I lost a little sleep over what might have actually happened in the event one of us kicked the bucket..

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  7. What our children want isn’t always what’s best. There are many factors to consider. With the turmoil going on in the world, Australia may be the safest place for her in the next few years. Who knows?

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