Last night I went to a wedding. I hate a wedding on a weeknight. I wasn’t prepared, in fact I knew nothing about it thanks to The Turk’s inability to tell me shit. I had been in Adana all day (went to check out the incredibly disappointing H&M that had just opened) so when I arrived home to the news that I was expected to attend a wedding I was mildly (read that as totally) pissed off.
The wedding itself was as expected. You know the usual Turkish, completely over the top wedding. The music was way too loud and the women were ridiculously overdressed while, on the other hand, the men turn up looking like gigolo wannabe’s in jeans and open shirts. Of course there was no food or booze but they did supply us with juice boxes (true story). And sadly as I didn’t have any warning of said wedding I didn’t have time to buy some booze. FML! A booze free Turkish wedding on a freaking Wednesday night. Could my life get any worse?
And then I saw The Groom. No that’s not explaining what I saw properly – let me try that again:
And then, standing at the top of the stairs was a man, but not just a man, it was a man with god-like qualities. His strong nose complemented his prominent cheekbones and his hair, so thick that I felt the need to run my fingers through it, finished just below the collar of his perfect black suit jacket. He was tall but not too tall and he filled out that perfect black suit jacket perfectly. My new crush scanned the room with purpose and I swear to God his eyes connected with each and every one of us. I swooned. I did. I was Olivia De Havilland and I was swooning at the hottie at the top of the stairs – until it clicked in my pea size mind. The hottie at the top of the stairs just so happened to be The Groom. Sorry – The Hot Groom. Bummer.
Of course I am well aware that I can’t try it on with The Hot Groom at his own wedding and yes I am obviously also aware that I am, in fact, a fat, middle aged woman who is very much married to The Turk who was, at that moment, sitting right beside me as I swooned and tittered over The Hot Groom at the top of the stairs but I just need to say – yes please!
The Hot Groom had it all. He was a dead set ringer for Burak Ozcivit and seeing as Burak Ozcivit was actually born in Mersin I have decided that The Hot Groom must be related in some way to Burak Ozcivit. For those of you who don’t know of Burak he has graced my blog before when I discussed the do’s and don’ts of the great Turkish moustache and now, standing before me, was a perfect facsimile of that perfect man. Yes indeed my new favourite relative aka The Hot Groom was rocking it with his thick black locks and a decent amount of facial hair that gave me the shivers (but thankfully no moustache). OMFG!
The Turk looked from the Hot Groom to me and back again before rolling his eyes. The following conversation then took place:
The Turk: I see what’s happening here.
Me: I don’t know what you are talking about.
The Turk: Darling there are two reasons that your new love isn’t going to work.
The Turk: One, he’s half your age.
Me: I could be a cougar.
The Turk: (shook his head while looking at me in pity and a little bit of contempt) And two … check out your competition.
The Turk: The Bride.
Damn it but he was right. The Hot Groom was marrying an even Hotter Bride.
Edit: Despite the desperate requests of my readers to obtain a photo of the Hot Groom I must let you know that my one compromise on writing about his family is that I do not post any photos. I’m sorry. I have promised. I know I hate me too. Yes he was hot.
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OH Janey! I actually spilt my coffee reading this one.
Sooooooooooooo Funny….. You should definitely be on stage.
Don’t give up totally, you can always meet him in your dreams.
As always Kind Regards, and glad to have you back.
Hahaha one can only dream right !
. . you lustful, lecherous hussy – next you’ll be blaming the whore moans!!!
Ha!!! Well done Alan. You win this fight but I shall win the war … of words (see what I did there!)
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How much you wanna bet the hot groom has a roving eye? 🙂
Most of them do here.
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Hahaha this is so funny, like you, I do appreciate a hottie when I see one 😂😘
It’s so funny. Like your entry. 🙂
You are so funny. I like your writing style.