Letting Go and Moving On

Well this sounds like a pleasant post, doesn’t it?

Truth be told it’s not as drastic as one might think but the end of my marriage is something that sent me into a total spiral and taught me that I’m a stronger bitch than I ever gave myself credit for.

The whole COVID bok (shit for all those non-Turkish swearers) hasn’t helped. The last twelve months have been painful for all of us. No one’s life has escaped this blasted pandemic unscathed. COVID-19 has altered everyone’s aspirations and forced people (like me) to re-evaluate their life.

And while I have no intention of going into the dirty deets of precisely why I’ve walked away from The Turk I will say this… there were more than two people in this marriage (channeling my inner Princess Diana)… but in this case there were a whole bunch and they were all HIS family!

It was fascinating to watch the change of attitude in most of The Turk’s family when they saw that the bank (aka me) was shutting up shop forever. I went from being a somewhat respected member of the family to being the outcast that people bitched and backstabbed about (one might say they always bitched and backstabbed me but now it was to my face which, truth be told, was extremely unpleasant). Honestly? I haven’t spoken to any other them other than my beloved sister-in-law, Songül, in months.

So I have walked away from The Turk and the Turkish village life. I’m now living in the city and enjoying the new lifestyle (and excellent internet). I’ve taken control of my finances. I’ve transferred the ownership of what is mine and while I may be more broke than I’ve ever been, I’m in a much happier place.

And for those who are wondering no I don’t hate the Turk. He has always put his family first… and second… AND FECKING THIRD for that matter. I guess he’s just too naïve and too trusting for his own good. We still see each other regularly as we share custody of the car and My Hurley Dog, in fact I’m waiting for him right now so we can have breakfast together. No hate, just distance.

I can’t promise I will be more present on this blog with me now working but I will pop on every now and then to let you guys know what’s up in my life or to tell you a story or two.

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21 thoughts on “Letting Go and Moving On

  1. Saw that you had moved. Glad you recognised your strength. I know all about the power the extended family holds over a foreign husband. Hope all goes well in this next step. Sounds as though it is.
    How’s the new book coming on?

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  2. Wow Jane, I applaud you for lifting yourself from what sounds like being taken advantage of situation. Also to be brave enough to meet with ex husband…takes courage. Makes me want to pray for you, do you mind?

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  3. Janey, Give us more. I would actually be interested to hear what it’s like living In Mersin, or more correctly, out of Karaduvar and away from the family. I realize it’s a biig city, lots of commerce. And, what would it actually be like to live in Marmaris, Fethiye, or Bozburun, As an ancient widow I know I broke a lot of unspoken rules while there and I know it’s not all poodles and ancient ruins. Carol Kaye

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  4. Ah this happens I fear. I have a Turkish friend whose husband is regarded as the family bank because he has business. Families are strange wherever we are in the world. When I moved to the far north of Scotland I found some people there who (to me) had inordinate sense of family comes firs, second and third and sod anyone else. Then I moved a little south of that and still found that to a certain extent, not quite as much. It’s an interesting culture that regards us Yabanci as having loads of money.
    Go well in life and stay safe Janey (I’ve been divorced, widowed and remarried, not saying you should be, rather that shit happens!) You;re a strong woman, you go girl!

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  5. Hey fellow Aussie, sounds like it has been a bok year. Walking away is often heartbreaking for a host of reasons. Turkish family can be complicated and draining when you are the yabanci gelin, my heart goes out to you. Good onya for putting you and your daughter first. Wishing you all the best things in life ♥️

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  6. Sorry to hear this Jane and it bought back memories for me ,of exactly the same situation. In fact, I’ve just had my 1st anniversary of being single. It has been a hard mountain to climb but same as you the Turk men are naive and I dont hate my ex. I am a survivor and you are too

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  7. Hey Jane, it’s a new phase, a new life, a new you.
    Of course, all this doesn’t come without heartache, however, knowing the true grit you seem to muster in hard times, we know you’ll be OK.
    Always family here.
    Sending love from us,
    BKH and me xx

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  8. Well done you. I’m married to a Turk and know exactly where you’re coming from…..I’m certainly a long way down the line when it comes to family and pecking order. He can spend 7hrs when he has a day off calling family in Turkey…..when we should be doing something together. Then he wonders why I get p*ssed off!
    Onwards and upwards…..you go girl-wishing you all the best x

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  9. My son just went through a divorce, not COVID related, just two people with different paths in life. It was amicable and my granddaughter got to see how different it was from their friend’s experiences.

    How is your daughter taking it all in?

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    • She’s surprisingly upbeat. Loves living in the city. Loves that she can order takeaway. Loves that the internet is strong. Loves that there’s no bat-shit crazy family member constantly yelling outside the door. So many things to love hehehe

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