I came to the realisation yesterday that I have been excessively blogging as a means of ignoring my feelings.  The time that I have spent sitting at the computer (mid-morning after breakfast and prior to Daughter returning home from school) is the time that I would usually sit with my mother in law in the sunshine enjoying a cup of cay.  So here I am trying to fill this void with typing (as I am doing right now at 10.29 am).

So today I am going to walk away from the computer and perhaps have a little time to examine my feelings.  I understand the finalisation of death although I still wait for Refika to call me downstairs.  I think it is more that I loved my mother in law as an akadas (friend) as well as a motherly figure (and the fact that I had watched her smack The Turk with a stick when he pissed her off).  Her and her little gaggle of friends welcomed me into their lives and she accepted me as her daughter not her daughter in law.  Sure I was a yabanci (foreigner) but Refika always included me in her day whether it was teaching me to cook the Turkish way, visiting her sisters for a good gossip session or merely watching her favourite shows on television.

Looking out my window I can see it is yet another beautiful, sunny day in Karaduvar.  Time to close the laptop and get out there.  Enjoy the sunshine and enjoy my life.

Until next time.

3 thoughts on “Realisation

  1. We are so lucky to have pleasurable memories of our loved ones after they leave us in this life. Of course, there are going to be many Firsts without your mother in law to come. All you can do is embrace them.
    I think that whilst the pain doesn’t go away, it becomes ‘ an acceptable level’ when we can laugh and cry at little things that remind us. Enjoy your day, no doubt Refika will be sharing it with you.


  2. I love Turkey, you are lucky to live there. The bowls in the background of your blog are beautiful. A lot of my family by marriage live in Uzbekistand though they are ethnically Korean – don’t ask – there the bowls and also silks are wonderful bright.

    Have a great day and thanks for the comment on my blog.


    The Cat


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