I questioned whether it would be appropriate to hand out little sticks of deodorant while riding a dolmuş this week in Mersin. There is some major reeking going on at the moment and you just cannot escape from it. I actually threw up a little bit in my mouth the stench was so foul!
The Turk who really cannot tell when I am being facetious solemnly tells me that I am being rude but I kind of think I am doing everyone a favour. I mean we do not want the dolmuş driver to faint from the odour do we?
The Turk and I then had a little bit of banter that went something like this:
Me: “You know it’s not that hard to keep the B.O. at bay. Look at Cameron Diaz. She doesn’t wear deodorant. True! All these people have to do is wipe. Like your ass but you do it under your arms. It’s easy.”
Background information – The Turk is completely and utterly in love with Cameron Diaz. I personally don’t get it but she is on The List. What is The List? The list is a free pass to sleep with that person if the opportunity ever arises. I am pretty sure he will not have a hope in hell of ever sleeping with Cameron Diaz (frankly I think she would have better taste even without deodorant). His list also includes Sharon Stone – again an unusual choice. My List is even shorter. It’s Brad Pitt. Yep. I think if he dumped Angelina and somehow found himself wandering down the street in the Village and came knocking on my front door he would discover that I was his perfect match and we would live happily ever after. Oh and I think he would make a great step-father for Daughter. Daughter is happy with that arrangement too as it means she can go shopping all the time.
Back to our banter:
Me: Blah, blah, blah. Cameron Diaz.
The Turk: She does not smell. Her scent would be like a flower or a ray of sunshine. (No shit, that is what he said).
Me: Dude. Everyone stinks. Feet stink, undies stink, breath stinks. Cameron Diaz is no different.
The Turk: You stink! (Maturity level showing).
Me (voice slightly raised): Yep and so does every other feking person on this dolmuş and IF Cameron Diaz was on this dolmuş she would be stinking it up too because she doesn’t wear deodorant!
It seems we are both pretty mature because I poked my tongue out at this point and he stuck his finger up at me. If Cameron Diaz or Brad Pitt do ever turn up on our doorsteps they are both going to be in for a treat!
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