The List

I questioned whether it would be appropriate to hand out little sticks of deodorant while riding a dolmuş this week in Mersin.  There is some major reeking going on at the moment and you just cannot escape from it.  I actually threw up a little bit in my mouth the stench was so foul!

The Turk who really cannot tell when I am being facetious solemnly tells me that I am being rude but I kind of think I am doing everyone a favour.  I mean we do not want the dolmuş driver to faint from the odour do we?

The Turk and I then had a little bit of banter that went something like this:

Me:  “You know it’s not that hard to keep the B.O. at bay.  Look at Cameron Diaz.  She doesn’t wear deodorant.  True!  All these people have to do is wipe.  Like your ass but you do it under your arms.  It’s easy.”

Background information – The Turk is completely and utterly in love with Cameron Diaz.  I personally don’t get it but she is on The List.  What is The List?  The list is a free pass to sleep with that person if the opportunity ever arises.  I am pretty sure he will not have a hope in hell of ever sleeping with Cameron Diaz (frankly I think she would have better taste even without deodorant).  His list also includes Sharon Stone – again an unusual choice.  My List is even shorter.  It’s Brad Pitt.  Yep.  I think if he dumped Angelina and somehow found himself wandering down the street in the Village and came knocking on my front door he would discover that I was his perfect match and we would live happily ever after.  Oh and I think he would make a great step-father for Daughter.  Daughter is happy with that arrangement too as it means she can go shopping all the time.

The List

Back to our banter:

Me:  Blah, blah, blah.  Cameron Diaz.

The Turk:  She does not smell.  Her scent would be like a flower or a ray of sunshine.  (No shit, that is what he said).

Me:  Dude.  Everyone stinks.  Feet stink, undies stink, breath stinks.  Cameron Diaz is no different.

The Turk:  You stink!  (Maturity level showing).

Me (voice slightly raised):  Yep and so does every other feking person on this dolmuş and IF Cameron Diaz was on this dolmuş she would be stinking it up too because she doesn’t wear deodorant!

It seems we are both pretty mature because I poked my tongue out at this point and he stuck his finger up at me.  If Cameron Diaz or Brad Pitt do ever turn up on our doorsteps they are both going to be in for a treat!

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20 thoughts on “The List

  1. Pingback: The List | Covey View

  2. THIS BLOG IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY. I laughed all the way through reading it. Really cheered me up. (Although i have to say, i think the heat is definately getting to you) But hey keeping it real as always. I once got on a dolmus bus and there was a woman with a goat… now that really did smell.

    Just to make you really jealous.. A few years ago our yatcht was moored up in Monaco during the Grand Prix season. and on the Yatcht immediately next to ours was ~ ~ ~ B R A D P I T T ~ ~ ~ and Angelina Jolie! Yes it is True! I was not there at the time, my Husbabd was on a “Jolly Boys Outing” to see the Grand Prix. My daughter was so sad that we didn’t go that time. We both suffer badly from sea sickness. Once missed approx 50 dolphins following us on one holiday as we were both knocked out sleeping having taken too many sea sickness tablets. Ah well.

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  3. The interesting thing is whether or not they can smell themselves. I myself have stopped wearing common antiperspirants (I use the crystal thing instead). But I can smell when I have gone a little off. I either do something about it or don’t (I almost always do. Immediately.). So it becomes a question of widespread impaired olafactory senses or a case of just not giving a damn.

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  4. Spare a thought for those of us who hate the smell of deodorant (or those who are violently allergic to all artificial scents). Soap and water (and maybe the crystal thing) work. But a hosedown might be the simplest solution.

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    • I also believe she has a bit of a rug “down under”. Doesnt trim the hedge so to speak.

      I like to have bits that I can throw at The Turk now and then. It gives me a giggle to rile him up!

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  5. “I questioned whether it would be appropriate to hand out little sticks of deodorant…” I have definitely had the same thought while riding der Bahn here in Berlin. Too funny!

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  6. You’re funny, think I’ll start following your blog 🙂 Am also married to a Turk, we live in Ireland but hope to move to Turkey in a few years when my daughter is finished uni. It will be interesting to see what life is like in Turkey, not holidays, real life. Cheers 🙂 xx

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  7. Pingback: The Thing About The Turk | janeyinmersin

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