I’ve talked before about holiday romances, Turkish men and the heartache that they can cause. In fact my Love Rat post was, and still is, the post with the most views since I began this little blog. I want to declare right here, right now, men are just men. They are not from Mars. They are not made up any differently to us they just have an extra chromosome (and an extra rib). To put it simply: there are some good ones and there are some bad ones. They can be your best friend but they can just as easily break your heart.
With summer now at an end the Turkish forums are full of love rats and stories of woe. Yes there are love rats here in Turkey but they are also located in France, Italy, the US, Australia – hell they are everywhere! But this story is about my friend Evie who knows I am writing this. She wants people to read it, to not make the same mistakes. She has/had a love rat and and that love rat that just so happened to be … Turkish.
I met Evelyn (Evie) at a shopping centre here in Mersin about 6 months ago. She had moved here from northern England to be with her handsome and *cough, cough* somewhat slightly younger man that she met whilst holidaying in Antalya in June last year. After many emails, Skype dates and telephone calls Evie packed up her life and moved to Mersin.
It has not been easy for Evie. She did not speak Turkish at all (I feel her pain). She could not work as she did not have the right visa and she found it incredibly difficult to make friends here. I totally related with her after all Mersin is definitely no tourist destination and expats are as scares as hen’s teeth. As we were both in the same boat Evie and I quickly developed a close friendship and she became a frequent visitor to our home here in the Village and I at her home in Pozcu. Her fiancé, Mehmet (name has been changed to protect the not so innocent), seemed nice enough I guess. Definitely younger and it was clear to me that perhaps the infatuation did not run as deep as it did for Evie. It certainly made for a difficult visit when she brought him over one night before The Turk left for Australia as The Turk is quite intuitive and could see right away that Mehmet was not deeply in love. In fact when they went outside to smoke on our terrace their conversation that began in low voices quickly escalated loudly enough for me to go out and investigate. Needless to say The Turk was not impressed with Mehmet.
Two nights ago Evi arrived on my doorstep unannounced. It was pretty crazy at our house with The Turk having taken ill back in Sydney but Evi needed my help NOW! Mehmet had gone. Where? She did not know. All of his personal effects were gone, most of the furniture was gone and the rent had not been paid on their apartment for the past two months. She had left that morning to go to the shops at Mehmet’s suggestion. She had been gone no more than 3 hours. How is this possible? She was bereft. Her heart was broken.
Right now I am steaming mad. I am mad at myself for not saying something to Evie when I first had doubts. I am devastated that my friend has had to find out that the man that she loved was not who he seemed and that the love that she thought they had meant little or perhaps nothing at all to him. Evie was planning her wedding and Mehmet was planning his escape.
Over breakfast this morning she asked, “How could I not see him for who he was?”
It’s simple. L.O.V.E. We’ve all been there. You meet someone. He sweeps you off his feet with the romance that has been missing in your life. Walks along the beach. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear. The best sex you have ever had! Oh yeah! Seni cok seviyorum. I used to laugh at The Turk when he threw “I love you” at me every 5 minutes when we first got together. But he still managed to cast his spell and I was smitten.
Two different cultures, two different countries. Just too different.
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. . we see and hear this constantly around the coastal touristic resorts. There are those ladies who come seeking fun and a bit on the side and head off home sated – wham-bam-thank you-Sam(et). Then there are the Evies of this world (and I mean no disrespect, Evie), who are taken in by the flattery and the billing and cooing from handsome, dark-eyed, usually younger, virile, sexually deprived (in this conservative society) men. When one grows up in ‘Western’ society one is generally more inclined to enjoy sex when time, place and partner suit – as opposed to more sexually repressive cultures like Turkey. That’s not a moral judgement, we just need to recognise that when the hormones are rampant and the chances of scoring are not so good the male will settle for a lot less that the female and lie through his teeth to relieve the pressure in his snug-fitting jeans!
Evie, there are plenty of decent blokes around and some of them are Turks – you just need to be cautious, patient, realistic and throw any rose-tinted specs in the waste bin along with that arse, aka, Mehmet.
Beautifully said Alan! She knows it’s done. She knows it’s time to go home and start over and I know she will be great – in time.
Sympathies to Evie. Her beau has probably been ordered home by his mum to marry her chosen bride.
No doubt lol!
seen it lots, humans learn through mistakes sad but true x
I’m so, so sorry for your friend. She’s fortunate to have you to help bridge the shock, and then the journey back to her life.