I had been sitting on this post for a few weeks now. I had to ensure that there was no potential to offend the family with this one. After all I seem to offend everyone at every opportunity *waves hello to the Powers That Be*.
I hope you find it as amusing as I did … at the time. Now it’s just old news.
So anyway … The family had been keeping a secret. Oh I knew all about the secret but because it was a secret I kept it a secret. I mean I still told my yabancı friends here in Mersin all about the secret and we giggled about the potential fallout but I kept it from you guys didn’t I? I did not make it public because it was, after all, a secret.
But the secret is now public and it was monumental! Families ripped apart. Friendships destroyed. Worlds colliding! Not really, but whatever.
You’re chomping at the bit now aren’t you? Tell us Janey! What is the secret?
Well … you might recall this post I wrote about a year ago now about young love in the Village. A bit of a Romeo and Juliet type sitch. True love, blah blah blah denied to them by their heartless parents. After a lot of tears and a lot of threats Romeo and Juliet finally got their parent’s blessing and they ran off and had their nikah.
For the uninitiated a nikah is a ceremony between the bride and groom and is performed before a state appointed bureaucrat or sometimes a religious leader. It is a very simple ceremony. No more than 10 minutes in total and then you are legally married.
Anyway the nikah took place and everyone was happy, everyone was in love. Romeo returned to his family home and the Juliet to hers as is the custom here in the Village. The wedding party (reception) would take place a few weeks later and at that time the newlyweds will live as husband and wife.
A few days after the nikah Juliet arrived to prepare their home. They built right next door to us – and when I say right next door I mean RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Their building is flat against our building – see my thoughts on this particular crapfest here. God only knows what approvals (if any) were gotten for this building but it does again beg the question why were we fined for building a second storey when they (and fecking everyone else around us) have obviously built without approval. OK I am getting a little off track here.
The newlyweds borrowed our car (yes we are officially known as a hire car/taksi service for half of the fecking Village) so they could go and purchase cleaning supplies. When they returned a mere FIVE hours later (!!!) she was screaming. She was crying. She was calling him every name under the sun. Senden nefret ediyorum! I hate you. I hate your mother. I hate your father. I hate the world. The wedding is off!
Hold on a minute. The wedding has already happened hasn’t it? Ugh why is everything so confusing in Türkiye?
She disappeared into the sunset and has yet to return BUT the family kept it a secret. In fact they still handed out wedding invitations in the hope that she would come to her senses. Romeo arrived on her doorstep and begged her to go through with the wedding. Nope. Vito arrived on her doorstep and begged her to go through with the wedding. No way Jose! Juliet was standing her ground and, to be honest, I was impressed that she held out when many others would have caved. She cannot marry him. She does not love him and, frankly, she hates Vito’s wife with the passion of a thousand fiery suns (at this point she got some brownie points from The Turk because he hates her too).
A few days later Juliet updated her Facebook status to single. This shit is serious. Social media serious!
But the family still continued with the farce of the wedding proceeding. They went and paid for the wedding salon and for the DJ. All was well. The secret was still a secret. There was a LOT of whispering in the village of course – gossip is pure gold to these people – but still the family forged ahead with the secret until the very end because that’s what families do.
Until the incident. Yes there was an incident and it will probably not surprise you that The Turk is smack in the middle of it all.
For those of you who live in Türkiye you all would have been to the party where the furniture is delivered to the newlywed’s home. It’s probably got an official name to the party but I dunno what it is. It usually takes place a few days before the wedding and gives everyone a chance to bring presents and help them set up. This is a huge deal in the Village and the neighbours all began to question when this was going to take place, after all the wedding party was on the weekend. At this point I said to The Turk that they may as well come clean and get on with it. The wedding is obviously not going to take place. Hayir! There is still a chance of reconciliation. I rolled my eyes. Ain’t gonna happen!
Three nights before the wedding date Juliet’s father and other various family members arrived outside with a large truck full of furniture that Vito had purchased for the newlyweds and unceremoniously deposited said furniture onto the driveway! Well didn’t the shit hit the fan at this point! All of the men in our family ran outside ready to fight (including The Turk who had had a few drinks and was feeling a little feisty). About now Sensible Janey says, “Go and stop this before someone gets hurt” but Fun Janey says “Relax. Grab a bira and let’s watch the show.” I went with the latter and in fact invited my sister in law to come up and watch with us from the terrace.
I just need to paint this picture for you. Do you remember the rumble scene from The Outsiders. You know between the Greasers and the Socs. In the rain. Patrick Swayze in a wet t-shirt? Rob Lowe who seriously never ages? Tom Cruise before he got his teeth (and his nose) fixed? It was dramatic and very, very hot wasn’t it? This was NOT that. This was two groups of middle aged men, none of whom resembled Patrick Swayze or Tom Cruise, and all of them who, frankly, should know better. We have The Turk who, of course, recently had heart surgery. We have Vito who back in March fell down some stairs (while drunk) and ended up nearly breaking his back. We have the older, slightly balding, brother who feels that negotiation is the key to any argument (although he is not very good at it) and we have the younger brother who, although I love him dearly, really is a bit of a simpleton. Along with these four middle aged dumb asses we have Romeo and his brother. On the other side of this tense situation was a truck, a load of furniture and four very much middle aged men. Similarly these men would never be confused for Patrick Swayze or Tom Cruise and no doubt their own medical histories, but these four men were surly and grim, and oh so ready to protect their daughter/niece/cousin’s honour, if necessary.
SIL, Daughter and I took our seats on the terrace just in time to witness The Turk grab one of the surly, grim visitors by the face and physically push him away. Yikes! I know I should probably have run downstairs and pull the leash on The Turk’s behaviour but I knew better than to get involved. Keep the feck away and get ready for the fallout!
The neighbours all started to arrive because The Turk’s foul temper is legendary and no doubt this was going to be some great entertainment for all. There was a lot of yelling and hand gesturing. There was the occasional jostling; a hell of a lot of swearing and “he said, she said” but by the end of it all the secret was no longer a secret and the wedding was officially canned.
Two weeks have now passed since the secret came out and Romeo doesn’t seem too distraught by the break up (although he does update his Facebook status with some very deep, quite disturbing statements). He has already replaced Juliet with a newer model (who apparently is, in fact, a model) so kudos to him. Juliet has been seen out and about (although she will no doubt never set foot anywhere near this place again). The Turk sheepishly went to visit Juliet’s family and apologised for his unruly behaviour and the gossiping ladies of the Village have more than enough to keep them busy for the next few weeks.
I still bring up The Turk’s unruliness at any opportunity and he still tells me to get fecked regularly. So all is good in the world.
Loving this blog? Please help me build my audience and share with like minded people who, like me, thinks Rob Lowe never ages, and love Türkiye. You can also subscribe or like me on Facebook for all updates.
My condolences to the wedding party that could have been, but that was one seriously entertaining post. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our Turkish lives….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Our village is so boring compared to yours. About the only interesting thing that happened in ours this year is that someone drove into a post.
How I miss Turkish village gossip 😦 Keep us updated, Janey!
Sell the movie rights! Fun post, and I love the thought of The Turk grabbing someone by the face.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I didnt love it too much when he did it. You should have heard the neighbours!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow Janey what a fantastic blog!! I have been hooked for the last few nights I simply can’t stop reading. Your life is very interesting to hear about and you have a great style of writing. I have had conections with Turkey for 20 years and one of my close friends comes from Mersin! She actually stays in Istanbul now but alot of her family are still there. People who take a two week package holiday to Turkey really don’t experience true ethnic Turkey I believe you can’t experience that until you visit people out with the holiday resorts. You need to write a novel about your life. Looking forward to reading more of your blog. x