After a string of messages from you guys about The Turk’s most recent blustering crapfest in “Grow The Feck Up” I realise that he really is a wealth of ridiculous quotes and is constantly sprouting off nonsensical crap. I really do not utilise his blathering often enough and, as I have been hasta and confined to the couch for a few days, I have had the opportunity to experience more of The Turk than any sane person should have to. Thankfully I feel the need to share absolutely everything with you so you will appreciate a few of his most recent crapalicious spewings about life, love and everything in between.
Daily conversation – Him: Has the dog done a bok? Me: Yes. Him: Was it big? Me: Would you like to see it?
Stupidity – People are being stupid today. I will not speak to anymore of them.
Professing his Love – Him: Darling, I lurrrvvveee you. Me: OK. Him: What do you say? Me: Thank you. Him: This is the reason why I will leave you for Cameron Diaz. She will appreciate me. Me: I think she just got married. Him: I hate you.
Religion – You should pray to Beyonce.
A compliment – Him: You look nice. Me: *smiles sweetly*. Him: Imagine how good you would look if you were thin.
Movies – Him: Where is Al Pacino? Me: What are you watching? Daughter: Twilight.
His funeral – If I die (me: If?) can you play this on repeat. (It was “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus).
Walking through our salon – Him: Did you make me çay (tea)? Me: Do you see çay? Him: You are a good wife. Me: I know. (Wait 10 seconds). Him: Would you like çay? Me: Thank you.
Watching me while I yell at him – You look like that girl from The Exorcist but with nicer eyes.
Squeezing my bum – Your ass is like a pillow made of fat.
Pride and Prejudice (the BBC miniseries) – They stare. They talk. They walk. What is this never ending pile of bok?
To Daughter (on love) – All men are assholes. Daughter: You’re a man. Him: *shrugs*
After reading these back I realise that The Turk may just be as mad as a hatter! I might have to make this a regular post because these few juicy snippets are only over the past few days. Imagine if I really started to pay attention!
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