The first thing I do in the morning is take My Hurley Dog outside so he can “do his business”. This should take no more than 5 minutes – 10 minutes tops – but some mornings this Sydney born and bred poodle/bichon frise can get mighty sidetracked by the tiniest thing and his morning poop or wiz can become a battle of wills.
I can damn well assure you that if I had waited for 9 hours to take a wiz the first thing I would want to do once that opportunity was available to me is, well, take that wiz. Not chase a cat. Not tease the neighbour’s Rottweiler which I am pretty sure goes a little like this: “you’re on a chain and I’m not. Nanananana”. Not minutely examine a random bone that has appeared as if by miracle in your eye sight and certainly not attempt to terminate a passing chicken (I will admit I am responsible for his assassin programming to take out any chicken). I would wiz! Or poop! Or damn it I would do both!!
And even when he does finally go wiz he has the ability to cause me more grief than not. Wizzing on fresh maydanoz or nane waiting to go to market, wizzing on the abovementioned Rottweiler who chooses to behave above his uncouth neighbour or perhaps walking up as casual as can be to Vito and aiming his wiz right on his foot!
A walk with My Hurley Dog is a pain in the ass too. It’s the equivalent of letting a drunk toddler out on the street. Having said that I should point out that I have never seen a drunk toddler on the street although I imagine if I had seen a drunk toddler on the street I would probably call social services. Anyway like a toddler (drunk or not) My Hurley Dog’s behaviour while on a village walk is borderline bat shit crazy. There are too many insane things going on around him so the opportunity for sniffing, tasting, regurgitating or just generally checking it out means that a walk can go on much longer than it really should. He darts here and there. He pees, like, 8 million times. He chases random cats, dogs, birds, goats, humans. He barks at the sky. He harrasses the guard dogs at a nearby business and then strolls away while they lose their minds. He has been known to run through the maydanoz or nane with abandon while neighbourhood women are trying to harvest for market which causes lots of squeals and “Yapma!” as he passes by. And I’ve mentioned before his love of all things shit related. Horse shit. Goat shit. Other dog shit. General shit. Shit!!!! Anyway it all comes down to asshole behaviour.
I blame The Turk for My Hurley Dog’s lack of social skills. Pre-village he was a very well behaved little mutt but since moving half way around the world all of his expensive training seems to have been left on the tarmac at Sydney International Airport while his prima donna behaviour is rewarded by The Turk instead of reprimanded.
One of The Turk ways of rewarding My Hurley Dog is that he has started taking him to the beach for a Daddy/Doggy day. I swear to God this is a thing they do together. They wander down the beach together. They might go on a fishing boat and nab a few fish. Together. They stop by the çay evi on the way home for çay. Together. He doesn’t take Daughter to the beach. He doesn’t take me to the beach but he does take the fecking dog to the beach. Last night The Turk told me I resent My Hurley Dog. He told me I was jealous of their relationship. Daughter says that he might be onto something but I think they whole lot of them have lost their freaking minds!
Reading this back I have come to the realisation that My Hurley Dog is a spoilt asshole who needs to learn some manners. Kinda like The Turk. On occasion anyway.
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