We were not in Turkey when construction began on our home here in the Village.  We did not oversee the work and most (read that as all) building design choices were made by The Turk’s older brother (which includes the purples tiles in the en-suite bathroom).  Building your own home is incredibly stressful but building your own home in Turkey comes with its own unique set of issues.  There is no Government body that oversees the standard of workmanship and no one to complain to if there is a problem.  So here we are, nine months in our new home, with a problem.  An entity.

Not a ghostly apparition or a poltergeist, frankly I would welcome them without issue, no our entity is the unmistakable smell of sewage coming from the basement.  Blah!

Originally the basement was built as a garage “big enough for 5 cars”.  Well that’s great isn’t it?  If only we had 5 cars, or even 1 car for that matter.  Nevertheless when we arrived in the Village the first thing I pointed out to my brother in law was that the driveway leading to the garage was too steep and, in my opinion, no car could (or should) drive down it.  The Turk’s brother (who does not like being told he is wrong) was adamant that you could drive down it with ease and insisted on making the attempt with his shiny, black BMW.  It was not successful but it was damn funny to witness.

Now the driveway has been filled in (more money thrown down the Money Pit) and the garage has become an incredibly large basement or utility room.  It is still useful and we are storing our carpets there until the colder weather returns.  Daughter and her cousins play down there on occasion and she recently suggested we get a television or pool table down there so she can turn it into a hangout for her and her friends.

Yesterday it rained.  The first rain in a couple of weeks (maybe even longer) but that would not stop me from going for my walk with My Hurley Dog this morning.  I put on his rain coat and my joggers ready for an invigorating walk/run through the rain.  I opened the front door that leads to the stairwell and – BANG – the entity attacked me with its putrid odour enveloping me in its stench.   It felt like I had been smacked hard in the face with kaka!  This entity that has escaped from our basement is a life form so malodorous, so fetid that it actually made me vomit into my mouth.  I slammed the front door and yelled for The Turk to bring some holy water and a cross – an exorcism was the only thing that was going to get rid of this thing.

Disappointed that I didn’t have Proton Pack handy to capture our entity I donned a peg to control my gag reflex and followed The Turk, aka Dr Peter Venkman, into the rank darkness of the basement.  I was on edge, ready to be covered in kaka like an exploding Stay Puft Marshmallow Man only to find – nothing – no leaks, to mountain of shit pouring from pipe, nothing.

After a thorough examination of the pipes (none are broken) it seems that the likely cause of our entity is lack of ventilation caused by Vito building his home abutting ours and in the process covering up two of our air vents.  Bloody Vito!

Now we will need to hire yet another builder to come and install new air vents and hopefully exorcise our entity.

And if you are wondering the entity did attach to both The Turk and I and we needed to scour our bodies and burn our clothes to remove its stench.

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