I was not going to do this today. I was going to keep today just for me. Hold it in. Put it in my box where all my feelings live. But he would not want me to that. He would have told me a (rather blue) joke. He would have told me to get over myself; to pull my head in. But I woke up this morning and I knew straight away. I knew the date. I thought about ignoring it but then my sister in law posted something on her FB page. I miss him too.
I am not going to cry tears of sadness today. Today will be a beautiful day. Today will be a day of happiness and good memories not traces of sadness from years before. There will be no talk of grief or of death. No talk of cancer or pain. Just happiness.
Today I will dream. Today I will wish. Wish for just one more day with my Dad. One more smile. One more joke. One more chance to say I miss you. What would we do? Anything. Nothing. We could sit on his old patio overlooking the creek and laugh about something ridiculous. Or we could have a steak at the pub … and laugh about something ridiculous. As long as we are laughing then everything will be fine. And we would be laughing because my Dad was fecking hilarious!
Let me introduce you to my Dad – with a happy story. Maybe two happy stories. Maybe more.
He was a great guy. He was a smart ass. He used to make me laugh. He still makes me laugh. When I told him I was pregnant his reply was, “Well that’s what happens when you have sex.” When he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day he whispered, “Good job staying a virgin.” I laughed out loud at that one as Daughter was carried down the aisle two minutes earlier.
He was not my biological Dad but blood does not make you a father. Love makes you a father and he was the best one that a girl could ever hope for. Sure he would get angry too, really angry. He would yell. He would punish my brother and I. He had a belt and it didn’t just hold up his pants, it kept us kids in line too. Once he threw the cheese knife at me – boy I would bring that incident up whenever I could. “You tried to kill me,” I would cry. “Next time I will try harder!” Excellent smart ass reply.
In 2003 Daughter and I spent a week with Dad in Rome. We visited all the usual tourist spots, did museums, galleries, went to Capri for a few days. We ate delicious food and built wonderful memories together – father, daughter and granddaughter. This is one of my favourite photos of Dad. We had sat down for an early dinner as my flight back to Turkey was later that night and he ordered a beer. When this pool sized beer arrived he laughed. “A challenge!” he said.
He blitzed that challenge.
Today will be a beautiful day. A day of happiness.
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