Did you know that humor is a great stress reliever and research has shown that being funny is actually a sign of intelligence. I’m pretty sure I’m a fecking genius.
I also think I’m a pretty nice person. I like to think that the whinging that I do on my little blog is taken with a grain of salt. I like to think that you, my loyal readers, are mature enough to discern between my take on living in this crazy little world and understand humor for what it is. Well maybe not!
Last night I received this email and when you read it try reading it with the voice of Yoda in your head (my request will make sense in a moment) –
I think you are the bitch. if you are unhappy so living in Turkey why do you not just leave. I am sure that it don’t want you here. Go back to home in England. England deserve you. You are the bitch. Divorce you I am.”
To this person who provided an email address that bounced back (let’s call him “Yoda”), to Yoda I reply –
I have never denied being a bitch (although I wonder are you trying to say “You are the bomb”? If you are trying to say “you are the bomb” then thank you and big kisses to you). I appreciate your sentiment but just in case you are in fact calling me a bitch I will say that you are in fact 100% correct. I am a bitch and I have been called a bitch many times over the years. I do appreciate your ability to immediately recognise a bitch. Kudos.
I also appreciate that you obviously spent the time to use Google Translate to write your kind comment to me. I should use Google Translate to reply to you as well however then my readers won’t get to enjoy my sarcasm and wit which is so obviously lost on you.
It is truly endearing to find a reader who has spent as much time as you obviously have Yoda reading my blog as you obviously know many intimate details about my life. Firstly I must tell you obviously I use the word “obviously” way too much. Obviously! Secondly, I must say that I do love England and I bet England would love me too. It has so much to offer. Harry Potter, William and Kate live there, even the Beatles originated from there! But one thing that did not originate from England was, in fact, me! I am not English. Perhaps we can play a game of Guess my Nationality?
Should I make it a visual game? Alrighty then. Below are 3 pictures. See if you can guess where I am from?
Did you guess it Yoda? I bet you did because you are obviously smarter than the average Jedi Knight. I mean look at Luke Skywalker. He was a bit dumb, he didn’t even realise that Leia was his sister! Ewwww. But just in case you did fail your Jedi Knight training the answer is – “I come from the land Down Under, where women glow and men plunder” also known as “Stralya”.
Finally (and just in case this message was from The Turk) – no you cannot divorce me. You love me WAY too much!
Again thank you for reading my little blog. Click like below if you enjoyed this reply or even like me on Facebook so you get all my updates.
Janey … still in Mersin (and fecking loving it)
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Love it! Sarcastic enough to blow the pants of Yoda but I think maybe he/she is a bit too mentally challenged to understand Australian dry humour!!! Praise the Gods its great to be Australian and appreciate such wondrous things. Thanks for sharing and putting a smile on my face… I hope I don’t attract your number one fan with my comment, Yoda is all yours!!!
I have a light sabre that you can borrow – just in case.
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This was absolutely amazing! You are hilarious and I appreciated reading this first thing in the morning. I also appreciate that someone else, besides me, is capable of being honest yet funny about the oddness of living abroad. Get it, girl!
You are not just “a” bitch, you are “the” bitch. All hail thee, THE Bitch! HBIC! Queen amongst all the rest of us lowly “a” bitches, who all come from England, but not really, but it’s all the same, so who cares, as we will all soon be divorced by your #1 fan, we are…P.S. I now have that Men At Work song stuck in my head. P.P.S. The spider on that paper towel roll is just a big can of Nope. Go home, spider, you’re drunk. You are.
Aww shucks Mel. I mean I like being called “a” bitch but being called “the” bitch just takes it to a whole new level!
Us Brits and You Aussies will be forever joined by the marvellous bond of sarcasm. It’s a small club though.
It is a club with its own secret handshake!
I love these translation programs. Puts a new tilt on it all! 🙂
I know right? Yoda is probably the nicest person that you would ever meet but just got lost in translation lol
. . ‘no try, only do!’ – I have ‘family in Hatay who can . . nope, shan’t go there! Anyway, seeing you blast away reminds me of that Lillian Thompson, the Aussie, sort of, fast bowler in action. She was a tough sheila as well! ‘Yo my bitch, Bitch!’
Love the “sheila” reference. I may let you borrow my light sabre as well, if needed!
also have the men at work song firmly planted in whats left of my cranium x
UGH, my comment didn’t save …. I really needed this laugh this morning, Thanks Janey! I also wanted to say that I think Americans should be allowed in your ‘secret sarcasm club’ Noone ever gets my jokes and it’s lonely busting a gut alone :))) Keep on being THE Bitch!!
I think we could make an exception and let in a select few after all I can’t have you busting your gut alone. There is an intensive hazing though that involves harassment and humiliation prior to initiation into the “secret sarcasm club”.
If you’re up for that – then you’re in!
Oh wait there is also a secret handshake which you will need to learn. The middle finger is involved – actually you might already know this handshake lol!
Well done! Internet trolls are so lame.
Now that’s what I call an “amazing” fan! Pretty useful in a boring afternoon 😉 Have you got any answer? If so don’t hesitate to share it! Looking forward to reading the next “episode”:-)
I haven’t yet but the night is still young. I hope “Yoda Strikes Back”.
Great response! I know we’re not supposed to feed the trolls, but sometimes they’re just so HUNGRY it has to be done.
I couldn’t get Yoda in my head as I was reading it … but I did recognize Google Translate’s crazy pattern.
And your photos? Priceless.
Love, love, love you I do! You crack me up, lady! 😀 Poor Yoda… hahaha
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