Sometimes The Turk surprises me and the other morning was one of those days where his genius, usually well hidden, comes shining through.
We have been building an apartment upstairs, which may or may not have approval – and let’s just leave it at that shall we?
I have a very clear idea of how I want the apartment to look. My style is simple, lots of crème and coffee colours complimented with lots of wood. Simple, modern fixtures and fittings. Nothing ostentatious. Dare I say it? Nothing too Turkish. On the other hand my builder’s style is literally the opposite of mine. His idea of style and class is to vomit as many colours as possible into a palate and compliment them with swirls and geometric shapes into every type of putrid combination possible. He has said to me on more than one occasion that my style is old fashioned and I need to follow his esteemed advice.
Needless to say the builder and I have come to loggerheads more times than I would like to admit to. The Turk has given up now. When the doorbell goes he disappears into the bathroom and won’t come out until he is sure that either I have left or the builder has left … taking me with him.
Last week I went into Adana for the day where I enjoyed a few bevvies with friends and came home to pass out on the couch. A very successful day. The next morning I went upstairs to check on progress of the apartment and I nearly vomited (and not from the hangover). The builder, obviously beside himself with glee with the knowledge that Janey was not only out of the Village but out of the damn city, and went ahead to install the ugliest the light fittings I had ever seen.
I said to The Turk, “have you seen what they have done upstairs?” and he, realising that a fight was imminent, denied any knowledge of it.
The next morning he sat me down in front of a can of opened tuna and this happened:
The Turk: Let me tell you something. You don’t eat fish right?
The Turk: It will kill you right?
The Turk: But you should eat fish. It’s good for you.
Me: But I’m allergic.
The Turk: No. Fish is good for you. You cannot be allergic to fish.
Me: But I am.
The Turk: You do not know what you are talking about. You are wrong. Fish is very healthy. Good for your heart. You will eat the fish now.
Me: I don’t want any fecking fish you fecker!
The Turk: And that is the story of the light fittings!
Me: Oh an analogy. Very nice (wait two beats) Get rid of the fecking light fittings for feck’s sake! And the ceiling rose. I’m going to vomit all over it!
The Turk: OK darling.
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I totally relate! When we were house hunting in Istanbul I nearly went into psychedelic induced psychosis in one apartment due to the palette. There were three different sets of patterned tiles in the kitchen, and another three in the bathroom. They included all colours of the rainbow and then some, in swirls, splashes and Jackson Pollock style drunken drizzle. Then there was the wallpaper…
Yes, yes!! Why? Why can’t things just be simple here. The more Austen Tayhsus (see what I did there) the better!
Oh yes. This rings bells. Asia you get houses with those giant and oh so fetching waterfall paintings, which, wait for it …you can plug in and they light up and the water appears to flow. Very fetching. Japan we had a musical loo roll holder. Istanbul, yes also lots of interesting features and fixtures, one apartment was looked at has a concrete room with a shower head half way up the wall and many of the balconies stopped below your centre of gravity. Perfect for falling off! Did you manage to get the light fixtures de-Turkified?
Fittings are much more appropriate. Sadly the rose remains.
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Whilst eating my Tuna and sweet corn sandwich, and looking at the Plethora of coloured Turkish dishes as the backdrop to your blogs, I must say this is a very funny story.
Who knows what will happen next time you leave the city.
Will you be renting out this new apartment? If so please forward details immediately.
We have friends who live in Adana and my daughters school friend (whose mother is Turkish, Father English) family also live in Adana. How many Km from you.
As usual Kind Regards.
Adana is about 60km. Its 1 hour on the fast train (no its not that fast) or about 1 hour by road.
I dont think we will rent the apartment out just yet. I imagine there is a relative somewhere chomping at the bit for the apartment we are in now.
You need to do two things, first tell the contractor decorator that you will not pay for anything he does which you do not approve. That should stop him. Secondly you need to buy a shotgun and if he disobeys just shoot him, you can tell the judge but your Honour I was sure this was a big rat, my eye sight is poor. LOL!
Well we have rats running around so I think that would be a close truth!
. . all that over a bloody light fitting! Jeezus wept! We’ve just been dealing with a certifiably insane digger driver – turn our backs for one second and he’d dig a bloody great hole for no apparent reason other than he could! He came within an ace of undermining a brand, spanking new dry-stone terrace wall and the place we were going to plant fruit and nut trees is now full of soddin’ great rocks he’s dug up from the bowels of the earth. Now we have to get a team with a tractor in to drag them all away. Trouble is, they won’t start because the ground is too wet – the maniac managed in the wet! I have three things to say, ‘get some perspective’, ‘Burası Türkiye!’ and ‘you need to get down the pub a bit more!’ 😀
Now if your digger driver’s defence … if I had a digger and could dig a bloody big hole I bloody well would! Fair enough he might bring down a wall or two but … its a hole! A HOLE!!!!
As you say ‘Burası Türkiye!’
PS if I got to the pub a bit more then my kitchen would probably be purple with yellow tiles or maybe my walls would have red wallpaper and my flooring blue. No more pub days for me until this fiasco is ‘bitmiş’
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Yes ghastly light – get thee to Ikea!
Sadly there is no Ikea in Mersin or Adana or anywhere nearby. It looks like its off to Ankara for Daughter and I for a long weekend
Very funny. I feel for you.
Brilliant as always. Had me laughing