Nemesis 3.0

It’s been a while since I have mentioned my nemesis. Just to remind you my nemesis has reincarnated a few times over the years but has always taken the form of a rather large and loud cock-a-fecking-doodle-doing rooster.

There was the large red cock that terrorised My Hurley Dog so much that he refused to go into the yard for a good month. That red cock ended up as a fricassee. Then there was the big black cock (what am I writing?) who made it his personal mission to ensure I never slept more than two hours a night. Now I don’t know what happened to him but when he disappeared there was nothing left of him but some feathers and a beak. I’m guessing an alien abduction was the most likely cause of his demise. Then there was a cute little brown cock. He was a sweet-looking little guy but despite his tiny stature, he had a hell of a set of pipes on him! I swear you could hear him in the city. My BIL mangaled his ass and I must say he was delicious.

The owner of all of these reincarnated nemeses in their various forms, previously referred to as Crazy Eyes, had been rather quiet of late. I hadn’t seen her, or her mother or those five unruly boys (no doubt the reason for her crazy eyes), but last weekend she reappeared in a big way and worse still she brought with her yet another big black cock. She has gotten much smarter though. She knew we entered under the cover of darkness and Seal team 6’d her roosters so she has re-housed her new black cock and his six bitches onto the roof of her house. The fecking roof! Now, this new black-feathered evil dinosaur is even closer to my window.

My nemesis started this morning at 3:36AM. Precisely. He hopped to the end of his coop (read that as Crazy Eye’s roof), stared into my opened window and screamed at the top of his lungs “HEY, JANEY? ARE YOU AWAKE? JANEY? HUH? JANEY? WAKE UP! WAKE THE FECK UP!”. I swear to you this is no lie.

As he is now mere feet from my window I immediately woke, moaned, cried a little, hugged My Hurley Dog and, when this ugly ass cock-a-doodle-dummy kept this shit up for a straight forty-five minutes I gave up on sleep and went and watched the news.

So I now have a mission (if I choose to accept it) and that mission is to find myself a big-ass rifle and, if I haven’t accidentally shot off my own head in the interim, I am going to sniper the shit out of that bastard cock-a-doodle-don’t!

I be hella grumpy when I don’t sleep.

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8 thoughts on “Nemesis 3.0

  1. Good to see a post from you Janey. Sorry about the cocky doodly.
    Our neighbour got one when we were in the cottage and when we asked about it, told us she had rescued it for company for her peacock (yep). Besides, what did we expect as we lived in the country?? Bloody cheek. OK we had chickens at the time, but they were quiet!
    Anyway, we were thinking of contacting the council as it was getting to be a nuisance when suddenly all went quiet. Hubby had already thought about having a pot roast with it, but didn’t get the chance. Apparently she suddenly remembered why she didn’t have one as it kept her awake at night, so she got rid of it (but not for dinner, silly bitch). Hurrah!!!!!

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    • Oohhh you’re living the dream right there!!
      Last time I had a whine about a nemesis I was told “what do you expect you live in a village”, well not so much anymore. We’ve been slowly swallowed up by the city of Mersin, we’re a suburb now unfortunately

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  2. Jane, why don”t you give it something to crow about…, like a light directed at its pen, and/or a recording of a hawk, a little barking dog, or chickens cackling. If that doesn’t cause Crazy Eyes to think again about her choice of irritants, turn up the volume and leave town for a few days.
    I once had a neighbor tell me people moved to the country so their kids could ride dirt bikes 24/7. Luckily it only took six years for the kids to grow out of that phase. Now I’m waiting for the grandkids to show up.
    Carol K

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  3. Hubby wanted fowl. We have 5 dogs and 3 cats, which would seriously diminish their life expectancy.

    I live in the country and it’s the neighbors who are worse than roosters. There is one house that I could have bought for so little money I would have found a way. But my neighbor never told anyone she was selling. It became a rental property and in the past 15 years it has had only one family that didn’t come to the country and think they can do anything they want with their stereo. The present residents play their music so loudly that I wonder why they still have hearing.

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  4. I hear there are rocket-propelled granades on sale with Amazon. They’ve even got one-day delivery with Prime.

    I remember that there once was a cock near my home in Italy. But it was a very considerate fella and never shrieked before 9, 9.30AM. It had some urgency in his voice, as if it’d just remembered to do that.

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  5. Haha we live opposite a farm and get the same every morning lol the current cock seems to have a sore throat at the moment he is making very funny noises or he has been busy all night.
    Also in the tree near our apartment are 2 ring necked doves who appear to be Manchester United supporters utd utd utd seems to be the call lol.
    Missed your blogs of late Janey hope your well and take care.

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