Have a dose of what life is really like living here – from my single-handed destruction of the Turkish language, random arguments with random relatives about everything from apples to vaginas to learning the secrets to making the perfect içli köfte! Highs or lows this is my observations from the melting pot of crazy that is my life in Mersin.
Since returning from Oz I have found that whatever Turkish that I did have seems to have all but disappeared, even my “Ben kırmızı bir kadeh sarap alabilir miyim” seems to be coming out wrong (haters don’t hate. That is self taught Turkish right there folks). In an attempt to throw myself back into the deep end of the Turkish language I have been watching nothing but Turkish television in the hope that by engrossing myself in the shows will help me pick up some words or retrieve the words that I have lost. Maybe. Maybe not. It seems I’m never going to get a glass of red wine again am I?
For the past week I have been watching the Olympics on TRT Sport. I’ve seen the Aussies being annihilated in the swimming pool. I’ve seen the Aussies crash and burn on the field. Basically I’ve seen them feck up all over Rio. Sorry? You’re wondering how many Olympic medals I’ve won? Fecking none OK! I am a couch potato but I am couch potato in Turkish.
Anyway I’ve also watched the diving and the gymnastics and right now am engrossed in track. Honestly that Usain Bolt is a fast feck isn’t he? How’s this photo of him smiling at the camera as he ‘bolts’ to the finish line (see what I did there?). And what about that poor Japanese pole vaulter whose Olympic dream was crushed by his peen. Poor buggar. Never before has a member of the male species wished for a smaller manhood. Until now. Turkey has won two silver so far in wrestling and weightlifting, and today Turkey’s women’s basketball are playing against Spain in the quarterfinals.
But I haven’t really learned any Turkish so I turned it over to a Turkish cooking show.
Who doesn’t love the Turkish cooking shows? They cook. They chat. They yell. Dance. Sing. Masterchef is as boring as feck compared to a Turkish cooking show. Today I made patetesli sigara börek and even though I already knew how to make them this time I made them in Turkish following a Turkish recipe! Yah me!
I mean just look at these bad boys. What did you say??? I can’t hear you over the deafening sound of my own awesomeness!
So if you need me I will again be in the kitchen attempting a Croquembouche. I mean it’s obvious that I am an undiscovered culinary genius. Seriously if I can chef it up in Turkish then nothing is impossible!
We recently got Digiturk and I have been watching the Home and Entertainment channel, sometimes in Turkish and sometimes in English. It was a rare occurence to watch any of these shows back in Australia and now I find myself with an addiction that cannot be quenched and sadly that addiction is – cooking shows. I know. I need to find a support group. Like most addictions I cannot get enough of it and worse still it has resulted in me attempting to replicate whatever I have seen on the screen. Desperate attempts at ridiculously difficult cakes, fancy pasta dishes and over the top dinners generally results in a messy kitchen, inedible food and a very grumpy Turk.
Yep all I have really achieved by subjecting myself to this new addiction is the realisation that I really am a crap cook and really, really miss good western cooking. Here in Mersin it is hard to have this desire for western fare fulfilled. Don’t get me wrong there are a few good western style restaurants in the city but their dishes are not quite to the standard that you would get in your home town. For me it is a roast dinner.
Side note – Aussie readers. Who remembers this commercial of Naomi Watts (before she was famous) “Mum’s doing a Lamb Roast”.
To follow in Naomi’s footsteps and in light of my drooling desire for a good roast last night we feasted on a leg of lamb with all the trimmings. We had potatoes and oodles of roasted garlic. I made a mint sauce (which kind of sucked) and finished it off with peas and carrots. Finally gravy. Yes I had some gravy sauce squirrelled away for such an occasion. I heard the moans in the audience – no I cannot make my own gravy although I have tried on many, many occasions (my mother would be so disappointed in me). Yes I used the juices, I added the flour and the Vegemite (probably an Australian thing) but my gravy always tastes horrible and lumpy and doesn’t thicken so gravy mix I will continue to use until I become Nigella Lawson.
Speaking of Nigella and again as a cooking show virgin I don’t really know how these things go but honestly this chick is sexing up everything that crosses her plate. The episode I watched yesterday had her sprouting these beauties “This meat is so soft in my mouth”. The Turk turned to me in surprise and said, “I bet her husband prefers when the meat is hard”. Not sure who is more inappropriate Nigella or The Turk!
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