I know I said I wouldn’t be back until 2016 but I just have to have one final bitter rant before the year is at an end.
Do you remember my nemesis The Rooster? This post will tell you a similar story. I still have a nemesis. He is still a rooster but – this time it’s personal!
In the past my nemesis (or nemesi – plural?) seems to have had a pretty short life span. If it wasn’t one of the stray cats or My Hurley Dog that terminated my nemesis then I guess he usually ended up fricasseed or something because they never lasted long enough for me to want to go nuclear at the neighbour. Until now. This time around the neighbour seems to have replaced those early model nemesis with a crazy ass, psycho ninja nemesis that seems to be quite prepared to feck shit up! This little bastard has turned the table so to speak.
He spends his days terrorising the strays, stealthly appearing and disappearing before trying to peck out their eyes. He cornered My Hurley Dog in our garden and attempted to dismember him piece by piece before finally, he turned his evil ninja sights on me, stalking me in a manner that made me feel like my life was in real peril. He did. I swear! Thinking he’s all Sylvester Stallone and puffing his chest out stomping around, again in our garden, flapping his wings and squawking at me all offensively while I was grabbing lemons off my lemon tree.
You might be wondering (and rightly so) why this fecking crazy ass ninja nemesis is in our garden?
Well let me tell you – the neighbour’s fecking chicken coop backs onto our fence (incidentally the fence is about 10 metres from my bedroom window) and my nemesis seems to not only be some crazy ninja he is also pretty good at escaping said chicken coop. He is everything that a nemesis should be!
Did I also mention that my nemesis seems to have a cock-a-fecking-doodle-doo crow that sounds like an angle grinder had shacked up with nails on a blackboard resulting in this crapfest of a rooster? And did I mention that this shitty angle grinder, nails on a blackboard asshole starts his incessant crowing at 4am? Ugh! Now I don’t want to sound like a bitch (I actually do want to sound like a bitch) but it’s not like we live in a rural area. We might live in a village but honestly it’s more of a distant suburb of Mersin and we are packed in here pretty tightly. Buy your fecking eggs from the fecking shop! In fact if you get rid of your fecking shitty angle grinder, nails on a blackboard asshole crapfest nemesis rooster I will fecking buy you the fecking eggs!!!
I have just read that roosters can live to be 10 years old! This brought tears to my eyes! Actual tears!!
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